To Be Man

Fathers day is a celebration of the masculine spirit and an ode to those Men who are first and foremost Fathers but not only fathers they are brothers, sons and friends. Its a day of celebration for some, but for others it can be an empty meaningless day just like any other, and for some a day of mourning and loss for fathers who have passed or just never were.

I grew up without a father, or any kind of father figure in my life, and for 33 years i was none the wiser. Life was just life not knowing what having one was, so there was really no missing out on what you do not know. I was fearless in my pursuit of what i wanted in life, and at the time it was to surf the biggest waves in the world, real hero stuff. And i was hellbent on making my mark on the world, even if it cost me my life.

It wasnt until a career ending back injury hit me that the walls of my somewhat ego driven life came crumbling down, not just a few bricks at a time, full fucking wrecking ball from the universe….booooom. A lot happened in those few years that are deep and not for public consumption, but after dealing with loss and letting go i realised i has spent the best part of a decade pursuing and surfing the planets biggest waves, this in spite of my Dad, just to prove him wrong.

To take a few steps back my father lost his family from an affair and as he was American and it was always hard for him to move to Oz back in those days and have any kind of career. We grew up with barely anything, our mother worked her ass of to provide us with just enough to live. But we had everything, the ocean at our doorstep, and it was and is still one of the greatest loves of my life.

The few times he did visit us he basically would say we were just surfy bums and that surfing would never pay the bills or be of any relevance in our lives, i was 8 or 9 years old and absolutely enamoured with the ocean and with stars in my eyes to be a pro surfer. All i ever wrote about at school was about surfing or paintings a drew in art or whatever it was. You dont need me to tell you how devastating the one man in your life who was supposed to be encouraging you, to guide you, someone you could trust and who wasn’t even there, just tear you down like that. The man that brought you into this world who was really just a stranger with a weird accent, come and suddenly be the judge, jury and executioner, real asshole stuff.

Through years of energy work i got through the traumas, abandonment issues and inner child pocket psychology that is prevalent today. While i still get all the stuff come up its no where near as bad as that initial demolition party the universe threw for me. It gives me a good platform to reflect on how or why things are the way they are, and more to the point on why a man is the way he is. I think deeply about the plight of man and the masculine spirit in this day and age, from linking back through father energies of my father to his father to his father before him. To then delving deeply into past lives and the father lineage that might have looked like, felt like and the underlying lessons/traumas and teachings that we are still trying to learn from each day.

I see the wounded masculine spirit all day every day, the man that needs to prove something who might be driving and almost run you over, or the guy in the water taking all the waves and not having any sense of the world around him, basically all coming down to insecurities and fear, fear of not knowing his purpose, fear of not knowing why he is vilified for being himself, or for just being a man or just male. You see we are coming to a turning point in history where we have this call out culture, can’t do this , can’t do that. Cant be a man, can’t be a woman. Not allowed to do or be anything but at the same time everyone has this privileged self righteousness that there silly little opinions on social media actually have any truth or value, it doesn't.

We have an epidemic on our hands of male suicides, an epidemic of men who can’t be male, who when things get tough can’t talk about it, not allowed to reach out. ‘Harden the fuck up mate’ is Australias national anthem. Men who work their fingers to the bone 2 weeks on 1 week off 12 hour days just to provide for a family and keep the ship afloat, only to come home and be judged and told that they are not good enough, you have to be the perfect man but even that isn’t enough.

Heaven forbid the male gets angry, anger that has been repressed maybe because of repressed emotions or maybe that deep seated feeling that there was actually things to conquer, fights to be had for your land, or for your women and children, to be what a man feels is his soul driven life calling, its called purpose, a reason to live, something to live for, and maybe to die for.

Now the male is sitting behind a computer stuck in a box just trying to see some kind light at the end of the tunnel, with no way out. Its maybe all to safe, everything is safe and men in there true essence dont want safe, they want action, adventure, love and romance. We have lost our reason for being man, to protect, to provide, to be a man of your word, to be chivalrous, to be honourable and be respected for doing so. Man has lost his way through not knowing purpose. Cant be a man, can’t get angry, can’t have emotions, can’t have a beer with your mates. I hope this all relates.

Now i have forgiven my Dad for all his shortcomings, the fact he lost his family from a big mistake is something Im sure he will take to the grave and be possibly the biggest regret of his life. We all have a shot at redemption and i hope that would be my dads. To celebrate that he is not really my dad or a part of my life, to celebrate that he passed an energy to me that has given me my masculine spirit, his father and his fathers father, that spirit is strong, its powerful, its also soft, caring and healing. I thank my Dad for being an asshole, as its taught me how not to be one, it might have taken 40 years but hey, who’s counting! Hopefully one day i will have the honour of being a father myself, and be able to pass this energy down to my children without the family karma drama. To be a father, a lover and a friend.

So this day is dedicated to all the men out there who are doing their best, just to survive, just being the best versions of themselves, in a world that is stacked against them. Tip of the hat to you, Man.